{ August 23, 2009 @ 1:14 am }
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{ Marketplace }
{ Tags: 24, conflict, confrontation, intimidation, Jack Bauer, the Hulk }
In my favorite TV show, the lead character, Jack Bauer’s life revolves around “conflict management.” But for those of us living regular, unarmed, lives, there are ways to handle an intimidating situation at work. Some choose to become “the Hulk” and overreact to the situation. Others choose to become the punching bag for others to hurl at verbally. Then there are those who know how to respond and de-escalate a situation. Then there’s Jack’s way….grab them by the neck! I’m one who would rather avoid conflict, but that’s not possible. So I decided to be decently equipped at handling conflict. Here are some things to remember when confronted with a difficult person or situation.
PRE-CONFLICT
- Deal with it quickly: try to resolve immediately, do not let 24 hours go by without attempting a resolution.
- NEVER EMAIL or TEXT: if you are confronted in an email or text, call or go directly to the person and talk to them. If you fire back an email or text it will only make things worse, and its simply unprofessional.
- Contain the situation: go into a room or area separated from the rest of the group.
- Grab a 3rd party: someone not connected to the situation is wise to have in the room to witness the communication, or help “referee.” This can be a co-worker or manager.
IN-CONFLICT
- Remain calm: the atmosphere is already tense, what you do next will determine the outcome.
- Choose your words: the right words are needed, and if you don’t know what to say, its ok. It’s also ok to be blunt, and truthful. Put it all out on the table, but remember my previous note…remain calm.
- Be objective: there are always 3 sides to a story, “yours, theirs, and the truth.”
- Listen: really listen to what someone is saying and let them finish. Sometimes people just have to vent and its ok, let them get it all out.
- Validate the feelings: affirm what the other person is feeling, but don’t try to over sympathize or over correct.
- Accept responsibility: if you are at fault, whether real or perceived, take ownership. Use sentences that start with, “I.”
POST-CONFLICT
- Shut up: do not take the conflict outside the immediate people involved. Once you have gone back to your day, this is not the time to have a “coffee break gossip session.”
- Build teamwork: keep things professional and move on. Use the conflict to educate yourself in how to approach future dealings, not avoid them.
- Guard your heart: its easy to get offended or hurt by a conflict, but don’t take the bait. Learn and grow and be diligent to build healthy working relationships.
Recommended Resources:
Handling Difficult People, Dr. John Townsend (author of Boundaries)
Breaking Intimidation, John Bevere
17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player, John C. Maxwell
